[Written in Dec 2018 and unable to post until now – I forgot that I’d drafted this when the Blog was down and was unable to post it]

It was a tough year, but it had a better finale than 2017.

Less people that I know and love died this year. For that I am grateful. Nevertheless, still we lost more friends. And with each passing day it feels like more of my past is being eroded. How long before it feels like it never happened?

My health is and was poor, what with getting Shingles and suffering chronic pain each day. However, with my sustained effort since August, to try to turn that around, things have improved. I’ve lost nearly 10KG this year. The duration of my workouts, intensity and frequency has increased. And for a good few months, I took control of my mornings and my day with an improved regime that helped my overall mental health. And I feel better for it. However, there is more work yet to be done.

Early in 2018, we did the trip of a lifetime to Japan, and with other visits to the UK, we found great opportunities to step back in time, through culture and history, as well as take a well-needed pause. We also took the time to indulge in a beach holiday, during the summer and I got to enjoy some much-needed creative time at home. That was important to do – for reasons I won’t go into here.

Ironically, I stopped Vlogging. I’d already burned out in 2017. However, I made some brief forays back into it, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I shot a lot of footage, over four hours in Japan. However, the process of editing the photos took so long that by the time I was done I had no energy left for the videos. I still need to resolve this side of me. Either don’t shoot it, or do shoot it and put the damn stuff out there!

I’ve taken much time to expand my mind in many ways and learn new skills. I’ve completed essential courses to help improve my filmmaking from a technical and artistic perspective, and read books on the business of filmmaking. I’ve read books about the human condition and other more esoteric spiritual subjects. I did not read any feature film scripts, and I certainly have not finished nearly enough of the courses I have queued up as yet (although since January 1st, I have now completed two more essential courses).

Work has been an issue. I was planning to reduce the number of working days, to free one day a week for creative endeavours, but ended up working like a machine – writing course after course back-to-back. It took a toll. And to what end? In this current financial climate I don’t know if I even have a job after March? You can’t get paid if there’s no money coming in. Training is a difficult industry in times of financial difficulty as the training budget is often the first thing to cut, to try to save jobs. Nevertheless, I’m trying to be unaffected about it. It is what it is and what will be will be. I know I did good work and made both my clients and my company happy, and those are the only things that count.

There has been improvement on the creative side of things. I have written, and produced an ambitious short film this year. And hopefully when post production is done MR CLEAN will be a film that I am proud of. I am certainly happy to have found a creative partner, with a very different disposition to mine, to balance each other out and to help complement each other’s lack of inexperience in various aspects of filmmaking. It was an experiment, and it proved that we are all stronger together! And we’ve been lucky to find some local talent that is keen on working with us again and helping us to realise our crazy dreams. For that I am very much grateful.

I also was lucky enough to make an experimental film for a friend’s band. More on that soon…

So… all in all, 2018 was ok. Even if it was hard in some ways, it was better than others. I think, for the most part, that was down to me no longer being content to continue wallowing and starting to make things happen – being an active agent of change and trying to surround myself with others who are also positive.

What will 2019 bring?

  • A financial meltdown?
  • Brexit?
  • Armageddon?
  • World Peace?

Who knows?

I do know that if I have the means and the time, I will make at least two short films those being MR CLEAN #2 and MR CLEAN #3. There’s another short-short film (I mean really short) that I’d really like to do too. And I know Darwin has two short films he wants me to work on. That’s great.

I have a feature film to write. And I have some experimental film / music video projects in the works.

I still have two old short films, two novels and two feature scripts to finish and countless Vlogs. However, I can’t beat myself up about it. I just need to take each step and follow it up with another and keep going in a specific direction. They’ll get there when they get there.

I need to be less douchey, reduce my anger and continue to be more positive. And I am actively working on that every day.

[More on what has happened since, soon. Watch this space and thanks for reading]